I was diagnosed with manic depression in 1975 by a psychiatrist when I began to experience feelings of sadness and disappointment that overwhelmed me and I didn't know how to manage them. I didn't understand my physical body and all I knew was that I felt extreme anger that mankind had either lost common sense or there was a huge coverup from the beginning of time, well before the birth of Christ.  I overloaded my emotional being to the point of constant breakdowns and hospitalizations that lasted 12 years of my life.

I was told by my psychiatrist that I would never be rid of this genetic disease and this made me cry. This news about my sickness had further consequences and  I lost my first love of a girlfriend who couldn’t bear the pain to see me in a constant state of sickness. I was experiencing the most difficult times of my life and I was powerless to stop it. My doctor said I would need to be on a drug treatment plan the rest of my life. 

I have a deep respect for life and the story about Christ and his teachings made a lot of sense to me. In fact, it was more than common sense; It was and is the greatest wisdom in the world which helped me to cope with my problem.  In addition, I was severely suffering with insomnia for weeks at a time and rarely did I sleep normally throughout those twelve years. What happened to me? Why was I losing control of my emotions.  I knew that I had a serious problem but I was helpless. 

Despite the circumstances, I was determined to get healthy and I was ready to do anything to get my head cleared of all the poison, horror and sickness the world had dumped on me. I prayed to God for help but I didn't understand God's ways.

I began to understand the complexities of my problem.  Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to stop the pain and all I could do was keep praying to God every day for an answer.

My prayers in time were answered. My saving grace was and is my family who gave me love and support through those years. 

 Inside Looking Out details my story of how I learned to take control and responsibility for my own health and well-being. It is a story of how I learned through numerous mistakes and failures that I discovered a mindful way to conquer manic depression.

I am offering you a unique viewpoint of bipolar disorder seen through my eyes in Inside Looking Out: Discovering a Mindful Way to Conquer Depression.